Struggling...

Lately it's been harder and harder for me to wake up and say those three little words: "Surprise Me, God". It may be because I physically have trouble dragging myself out of bed in the first place. Or it could be because I have so many other things on my mind that I just forget. But more than likely, I think I have gotten to the point where I don't feel like I'm worth surprising.

One of my biggest pet peeves is when people complain, which is somewhat hypocritical because I do it too. For some reason, I have become ultra sensitive to everyone's constant negative attitudes and it's really bringing me down. I just don't think there is enough time in a day to do everything that we need to do. I'm sure many people would agree. Between my regular school classes and my handful of after school/before school activities and responsibilities, I'm starting to think that I can't keep up. And the ironic thing is that I brought it upon myself. I CHOSE to participate in everything and now I'm paying the consequences: little sleep, bad attitude, and overwhelming stress.

One thing that made me smile this last week happened on Tuesday in my English class. It is a very demanding college level course that challenges me more than any other class I've ever taken. Luckily, I adore my teacher. She's a St. Olaf alum and actually was confirmed at Prince of Peace, so naturally we got along right away. I must have had a sour expression on my face that day because she came up to me at the end of class and just asked how I was doing. I told her that I was running low on energy, time, and patience with my life.

"The most important thing is to learn how to say no to some things, take a step back and just BREATHE," she said.

Wow. Those words, though I've heard them before, were exactly what I needed at that time. I'm a natural at doing everything- that's how I've always been and how I think I always will be. But there are appropriate times to say 'no' and I am now more aware of that. 

As I sit here and attempt to play catch up with all my journal entries for that English class, I am reminded about the rain that we received tonight. Those tiny drops of water falling from the sky that wash everything clean spoke to me. It was really God talking to me, saying, "It's time to start over again; take a step back and just BREATHE!" So I think I'm going to try it. Step back. Breathe. Whew, I feel better already. :)

The talk with my teacher and the rain was just exactly the surprise that I needed when I was down the most. Thanks for the advice, God. Oh, and thanks for nature's version of a free car wash, too. That made my night.

Kayla Gronli