Blue Like Jazz

Last night at Revolution we began reading the book Blue Like Jazz.

At first I just liked it because I thought it was funny and good, but the more we read the more desire I had to continue reading.
This will seem like a tangent, but it comes back around so just bare with me.
Lately I've been having a lot of problems with society and humanity at whole. On Tuesday I was waiting to go into the lunch room, but no one was moving. Pretty soon I saw the school cop go running and I was hearing rumors spreading down the line that someone was choking, having a seizer, or something to that effect. So I finally get up the ramp into the lunch room and she is laying in the middle of the ramp. Death is always something I've had a really hard time dealing with and this girl laying on the floor happened to be my friend Dezi. At this point she was purpleish, cunvulsing, and looked practically dead. We were redirected by some teacher to go like 20 steps outside and then back through different doors so we could obviously walk around her becuase by this time the teachers had gotten out a defibralater and were taking her pulse. I get outside (its not even that cold) and the girl behind me starts complaining about how stupid this is and how cold she is. I couldn't believe it. I mean seriously, if that was your best friend laying there dying on the ground how would you feel? Not that it should make a difference, becuase you should have the common decency to not only care about yourself.
So I'm already frustrated about that and then when I'm walking up the stairs to my next class I hear the guys behind me loudly stating how much they hate gay people. Honestly now. This is like my third time having to hear someone talk about it so loud that everyone has to listen just this quarter. Some of my best friends are gay and I take it very seriously/personally.
These are just some of the things that make me so angry; at high school and at life. I mean honestly, especially in high school, everyone is so self centered. Like, what can the world do for me today? How does this directly effect me? No one ever takes a step back to realize the actions they take effect other people or that the things that happen are part of a greater picture and don't just involve them. This isn't even religious, its just inconsiderate society. And I'd like to think that its just high school, but I also realize that some people will never get their thinking and reasoning levels to that mature point. I think this is why in the past year or so high school has been so frustrating for me; I just want people to mature I guess.
Okay, so moving on: When I got home last night from Revolution I sat down and read chapter one again because we had skipped some things and then continued to chapter two. This is where God comes in. Completely on a tangent, Don starts talking about how its easy to scrutenize humanity, but what it comes down to is taking responsibility for youself first and formost. That really made me think, like, am I really modeling all the things I expect out of other people? Not that I haven't always tried to be the best model I can be, but it definately put things into perspective. Who am I to be so judgemental? Isn't that part of exactly what I'm criticizing? Tollerance and understanding. I'm really doing the best I can though. Doing peer mediations at school really helps me work on my communication, patience, understanding, and helps me expand and develope my thinking and reasoning. Through other people's flaws I not only try to give them the tools it will take to improve their lives, but I leave with some new tools of my own.
Anyways, I guess the biggest thing is just striving to be your best.
Jackie Winters